Family members focusing on their individual lives is part of growing up. Siblings move to new houses, build their families, or pursue a career overseas. Parents wait for their children’s monthly or annual visits, mainly during the holidays. It’s saddening, but changes are inevitable. What matters is that everyone tries to gather around once in a while and catch up. Seeing each other again will make separation less of a big deal. Everyone’s home is open for a family member, which is also an opportunity to get to know the extended family. In-laws meet and become closer — love grows as the family welcomes a new member.

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Apart from ensuring visits and reunions, expressing love means understanding their situation when they cancel. If they aren’t doing it on purpose, you have nothing to complain about. It’s just that life happens. They have a choice as to how they’ll spend their free time. You must accept that your loved ones have a life outside the family. However, this woman deems it as unfair treatment. Historical-Nose-250 shared the story on Reddit, where she was answered by netizens with all honesty.

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In the first part of her post, you can already see that her complaints are invalid. “My SIL (married to my brother) is a resident physician who works 60-80hr weeks and frequently works one or both days of the weekend. Her residency is a 7-hr drive from where me, my husband, and my baby girl (1.5yr old) live,” OP explained. Due to her sister-in-law's schedule, it was hard for them to visit the family, especially OP’s. Perhaps she could not accept the arrangement because she felt her brother was drifting away from her. She mentioned that her brother has never been away for too long. They have a tight bond from childhood up to adulthood.

“We were never more than 20-30m away from each other. I got married and had my baby, and he moved 7hrs away to be with his fiancee, now wife, pretty soon after I had my baby. It was devastating for me, as I had always pictured us being close and him really involved as an uncle,” OP shared. “SIL works 6am-5:30pm 6-7 days a week but does have some "golden weekends" where she has Saturday and Sunday off. She usually has one per month, and then she has 3 weeks of vacation (never over Christmas or New Years holidays).” What really frustrates Historical-Nose-250 is that her sister-in-law spends her day off to rest. Her brother could not go and visit her because, after a tiring week, his wife chose to relax.

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Moreover, OP rants about how the couple goes on week-long vacation trips. She also complained about how the two can visit SIL's family, which is only a 2-hour drive. “They haven't made the trip to visit us more than 1-2x a year, as they say, the drive is too hard with the limited time off she has, and she's usually too tired to come anyways. But not too tired for Hawaii or Cancun?” OP wrote. It was even more unfair for her when the couple asked if the family could visit them instead. Historical-Nose-250 wasn’t alright with that as well because, in her defense, it’s difficult to travel with a baby.

“My parents have to split time between visiting there and visiting us, and we need them for childcare. I've been asking my brother and SIL to visit us more even though I know her schedule is busy, and my brother got frustrated with me,” OP shared. To make matters worse, she asked her brother to visit alone even when his wife needed him. The brother explained that resident physicians have heavy workloads, and shifts can be mentally draining. He tried to make OP understand that he needed to care for his wife, but she won't back down. It was all so unfair for her, but netizens took her brother’s side. Clearly, she was an inconsiderate sister.

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“You don't have to travel to them if it's too hard for you, but you come across as really judgmental and lacking in compassion for how they choose to spend their limited free time,” owls_and_cardinals pointed out. It’s also unreasonable to compare a two-hour drive to a seven-hour drive. She should still appreciate that the couple is making time, even if it’s only two times a year. A Redditor with a similar job as the SIL came to her defense, proving that residency is truly exhausting. MillieTheDestroyer wrote, “I have been in similar shoes, and they are painful to wear. To have a family member demand my time like this, when I was drowning in work, would have felt like someone peeling off my already sunburnt skin. Excruciating.”

The comment section was filled with brutally honest thoughts, which may help OP understand the situation even more. QueenOfTheSnarkness commented, “Why is your excuse for not visiting (having children) valid, but their excuse (stress, work, mental health) is not valid? YTA.” Exactly! Historical-Nose-250 has no right to invalidate the couple’s reasons because she, herself, is not willing to drive and visit them. A lot of hot takes can be found below her post. Hopefully, 5k comments are enough to enlighten her and make her apologize to her brother and most especially to her SIL.