Is This Mother Fair for Giving Stepdaughter the Best Bedroom Just because She's the Oldest?

June 4, 2024 Doris de Luna

Tension between stepsiblings is among the 5 major issues in blended families. And that's because each kid may feel he/she has to compete for parents' attention. Also, each kid may have a different idea of house rules.

How should parents of blended families keep the balance?

Photo: Pexels/cottonbro

This story is about a mom who is hated by her own daughter because the latter thinks she's playing favorites with her stepdaughter.

In her post on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, Redditor u/throwaway65637 related that she and her husband have 4 children: "Ella (16), our daughter Jane (11), our son Sam (9) & our daughter Luna (6)."

Photo: Pixabay

Their blended family is moving to a new home, according to OP, which comes with six bedrooms. She added that her stepdaughter, Ella, is moving into a suite, while the identical suite will be converted into a guest room.

Meanwhile, her 11-year-old daughter will move into a "regular" room with her own adjacent bathroom. However, adjacent is not the same as en-suite, which became the cause of the trouble.

"Jane was under the impression that she and Ella would be getting the 2 rooms with the bathrooms," wrote OP. "We let her know one of those would be a guest room and since Ella is the oldest she deserves the other. Jane thinks this is unfair. [She] has not been handling this well, and a few family members she's spoken to think I'm putting 'someone else's child over my own."

Photo: Pexels/Deena Arts

OP continues with her story, "Jane has struggled with some jealousy...[and she] is also 11. She does not need an en suite bathroom more than adult guests... and will have an en suite at 13...once Ella leaves for school."

Is this mom being unfair?

This comment won several awards on Reddit: "I got an ensuite bathroom of my own at, uh, 47. It’s really lovely and I really appreciate it. It’s very hard to have much sympathy for anyone in this story except Ella because a high-conflict divorce is hard. OP, it sounds like you’re a lovely and thoughtful parent. You need to tell your family and friends who express unsolicited opinions about how you allocate the rooms in your own damn house to MYOB & STFU. Siblings experience jealousy. Your kids knowing that their whining about each other gets any traction in the extended family is WAY more harmful than any decision you make."

Photo: Pexels/Liza Summer

"That's true (source: I'm a teen) but she's 11 she can wait for 2 years and when her older sister leaves she can get the en suite room at 13. That's perfectly fair," wrote an understanding youngster.

"Plus she does have a bathroom to herself. It’s just not en suite. Which is why OP is NTA. Jane is quibbling about walking a few extra steps and through an extra door, not about sharing a bathroom. Anyone entertaining or sympathizing with her on this issue is not helping her in the long run," said another Reddit user.

Meanwhile, this individual was candid about her opinion, "... what? Why? Like, what is even the problem here? What are people doing in there that's taking so much time that everybody needs their own bathroom?"

Doris de Luna

For more than 20 years now, I’ve been devoting my heart, energy, and time to fulfilling my dream, which – many people may agree – is not among the easiest aspirations in life. Part of my happiness is having been able to lend a hand to many individuals, companies, and even governments as an investigative journalist, creative writer, TV director, and radio broadcaster.

At home, I spend my free time learning how to cook various cuisines. Tiramisu, chocolate mousse, and banoffee pie are my favorite desserts. Playing with our dogs, Mushu and Jerusalem, is also a special part of my day. And, of course, I read a lot – almost anything under the sun. But what really makes me feel alive is meeting people from various walks of life and writing about their stories, which echo with the tears and triumph of an unyielding spirit, humanity, and wisdom.

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