Should This Parent Feel Guilty for Supporting Son's Favorite Color That Daughter Hates?

Should This Parent Feel Guilty for Supporting Son's Favorite Color That Daughter Hates?

"I feel terrible about this and don't know what to do. I think I'm probably an A, but I'm not sure how to not be an A in this situation," a parent pours out their heart on Reddit via the r/AmITheA**hole forum.

They continue to say that they have a 17-year-old son whose favorite color is blue. His favorite superhero wears blue, and this parent respects all the other things he loves, even though these may seem silly to others.

width= Photo: YouTube/Attitude

The current predicament involves another child, as OP relates in the post: "My daughter, 13, is autistic. She finds the color blue incredibly upsetting because it is associated with a hate organization that advocates for harming autistic people. Seeing the color is painful for her. My son's room is painted blue, and many of his outfits are blue. My daughter wants him to not wear blue clothing anywhere she can see. He refuses."

This parent had tried talking to the son, but the latter reasoned that he should be allowed freedom at his own home, like wearing his favorite blue shirt.

The parent agrees with the son and knows that the daughter will keep on encountering the color blue in other surroundings, whether she likes it or not. The parent is thinking of discussing it with her therapist to ease her aversion toward it.

width= Photo: YouTube/Attitude

With a heavy heart, this parent also wants to seek advice from other people, since they feel so guilty about upsetting their daughter.

What do Reddit users say?

One commenter wisely advised, "This doesn’t work with Neurodivergent. You need to talk with someone who specializes in ASD. There are things she won’t like and she won’t accept them. Just like a person w/ASD will go hungry before eating a food they find unacceptable. NTA: but get a specialist to help. This way above Reddit’s pay grade."

width= Photo: YouTube/Attitude

"Could you imagine if OP went the other way on this and tried to cater to her daughter instead of helping her grow through it? First step, ban all blue from the house. Then what, go to the school and demand they ban blue as if it were peanut butter or other allergen. OP is clearly making the right choice by letting her son be himself and getting the daughter therapy," remarked another Reddit user.

"NTA, this is not a boundary. A boundary refers to something she will or will not do. Boundaries are not for controlling others. If your son was doing it to be an a-s, then speak with him. But he genuinely enjoys blue, then don't take away joy from your son to be appease your daughter. Blue is everywhere and ask he therapist to help her have some positive association with it. She should not have to wear blue, but your house should not be a dictatorship...," another person explained to lighten OP's conscience.

Learn more about autism parenting struggles in the video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBWCY0yF_5g
Doris de Luna

For more than 20 years now, I’ve been devoting my heart, energy, and time to fulfilling my dream, which – many people may agree – is not among the easiest aspirations in life. Part of my happiness is having been able to lend a hand to many individuals, companies, and even governments as an investigative journalist, creative writer, TV director, and radio broadcaster.


At home, I spend my free time learning how to cook various cuisines. Tiramisu, chocolate mousse, and banoffee pie are my favorite desserts. Playing with our dogs, Mushu and Jerusalem, is also a special part of my day. And, of course, I read a lot – almost anything under the sun. But what really makes me feel alive is meeting people from various walks of life and writing about their stories, which echo with the tears and triumph of an unyielding spirit, humanity, and wisdom.

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