Reddit Backs Up Bride Who Wants Pets in Her Wedding Party Instead of "Miracle" Niece and Nephew
Elizabeth Morey
Note: some comments are edited for length, clarity, or profanity.
There's something about a wedding that just has a way of making people go crazy - and not always in a good way. Often it's the bride that everyone says is being ridiculously picky in the execution of her vision for her perfect wedding day, but it's also not uncommon for random family members to make absurd demands on the bride and groom or do petty things to sabotage the big day.
Bride and Reddit user IntrepidOffering took to the website to ask the Internet Powers That Be on Reddit's Am I the A-Hole (AITA) forum if she was in the wrong for wanting to put her beloved pets in her wedding as flower girl and ring bearer instead of her niece and nephew.
"My brother and SIL had a series of incredibly painful (both physically and emotionally from what I’ve heard) miscarriages before they had my niece Ava and nephew Liam (4y/o twins) via IVF," OP (original poster) writes as context for her post. "As a result, my whole family (especially my SIL) make a very big deal out the twins, calling them “rainbow babies”, showering them with attention and affection, almost to the exclusion of the other grandkids. I’ve never really been as involved with this, mostly due to the fact that I live across the country."
However, she says that now the situation is rearing its ugly head, because everyone in the family apparently think that Liam and Ava are a shoe in for the ring bearer and flower girl positions. And, well...the bride and groom don't hate the idea, but they have another idea they love even more.
"A conversation that my fiancé and I had recently was the matter of the flower girl and ring bearer. I brought up the idea of having our dog Mika and our cat Tibby fill the roles. My fiancé thought it was a great idea, so that’s what we decided to do."
OP writes that Mika and Tibby are like children to her and her fiancé. They helped OP through a deep depression and gave her something to live for. They kept her fiancé company during cancer treatments while OP worked long hours to cover their expenses. "We love them to bits, and consider them family," says OP.
"Anyway, I casually brought it up at a family get together, and my SIL took me aside later and asked why we gave 'Ava and Liam’s roles' to our animals. I was confused, and she explained that, since Ava and Liam were 'her miracle rainbow babies' that obviously they should be the flower girl and ring bearer. She said that it would be 'good for the family' for the twins to be in the wedding, and that it’s 'against tradition to have animals in the wedding.'"
The SIL asked OP to reconsider and even insisted on showing her a photo of Ava in a flower girl dress to sway her. OP stood strong, saying she wouldn't make a decision without her fiancé's input.
Both partners have agreed that they really don't mind the idea of putting OP's niece and nephew in the roles, but they love the idea of the dog and cat better, since it's so much more meaningful to them. But will choosing animals over people cause a rift in the family and ruin the whole wedding?
"I’m now wondering if maybe having our animals in the wedding would offend the family or go against tradition," OP laments.
As usual, Redditors were quick with their opinions. And the resounding answer is that OP is Not the A-hole (NTA) and doesn't owe any special favors to her niece and nephew, regardless of whether or not they were special miracle rainbow babies.
"IMBTA for saying this, but those kids are 'their' miracle babies. Not yours. Your fur babies are your babies, so NTA," says Reddit user Sad-Angle434.
"Agreed," Technical_Bobcat_871 chimes in. "It sounds like SIL wants to make OP's day about her miracle babies. She had her time. This is OP's wedding, not an event to make people marvel at her kids, and thats exactly what SIL would do."
"NTA. How did she 'just happen' to have a photo of Ava in a flower girl dress?" asks Squinky75. "And why them over the other grandchildren? You know, if you let them, the wedding will be all about them and not you and your fiancé."
There were a few people who questioned OP's decision, but on the grounds of the animals' well-being, not the family's feelings. Some had concerns about whether the dog and cat would even enjoy being in the wedding, especially as cats can often be shy and nervous in large groups and aren't as cooperative and eager to please as dogs.
"NTA, but also consider if your pets are going to enjoy that experience or if it will be stressful and annoying to them," writes Huge_Researcher7679. "If they’re going to like it, by all means, go ahead. That’s really the only question that matters."
OP responded that her cat is trained to come to a special pouch of treats, so that would be used to lure the cat down the aisle. We must presume the cat is fairly friendly, but even the most social of animals can still struggle in large crowds, so we do hope OP will consider her pets' personalities and put some serious consideration into whether or not they can handle the pressure.
Hopefully OP and her fiancé know their pets well enough to make a good decision about whether or not they'd enjoy walking down the aisle on their owners' wedding day. In any case, OP definitely hasn't done anything wrong by refusing to put her niece and nephew in the wedding just because they're "special." Her dog and cat definitely deserve the honor, if it turns out to be one they'll enjoy.
